it’s a normal rainy day but that adds to the mood of this story. im at school and lunch has just started, my guy friend goes to my seat like usual and we go and put our books in our locker (we share one locker since he doesn’t have one), my other friend, let’s call her B, asks us if we want to join her with her other friends and like usual, we said we were going to the college canteen as there was food that could only be bought there. i brought my phone and wallet with me but i didnt really use my phone, it was just to make sure no one would touch it since my dad bought this for me yesterday. we go meet with our other friends who we weren’t classmates with anymore and just went back to the highschool building since we felt out of place. as we got back we had to go back to college since one of my friends asked if we could go with him to the college building to buy something, i agree and my other guy friend just comes with, fast forward to when we come back to the highschool building (again). we were on our way back to the building to look for B, and luckily as we were crossing the bridge from college to highschool we saw her walk up the stairs, so of course i went after her and called her name a few times, i was on my way back to the classroom when she suddenly grabbed my hand, telling me she wanted me to stay for some reason. my two guy friends leave, the other jokingly going to us but eventually going back to the classroom. she asks me to sit on one of the benches with her and just pure silence, but a few seconds later right after telling me to sit down with her, she bursts into tears, crying for a few minutes. i ask her why she suddenly cried but she doesnt answer. she wipes her tears and stands up, walking to those fence-like (forgot what these were called) things that they put on the floors so you of course wont fall off (we were on the 3rd floor). she looks at the ground and sees a person, and weakly says “panot!” which means basically a bald spot, which makes her laugh, but i ask her how she can just forget about what happened earlier. she tells me about what’s been happening lately. but one thing hit me hard. she said she misses her other friends, specifically H, and that immediately made me sad, although of course i didnt make that look obvious. it made me sad because even though i was the one who was there for her, she was still thinking about her other friends. i feel like im just overreacting. maybe it’s also because i’ve liked her since the first time we met in 7th grade. i thought my feelings went away. i thought it was just infatuation, and i hate this because we’re both females, this isn’t right. im disappointed in myself. i have no hate towards the lgbtq community, but i dont want to be a part of it since i dont know how my family and friends would react. it’s hard hiding how i really feel about her, it’s already been a year since i first met her. the only thing i could wish for right now is her happiness, even if it doesn’t come from me.

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