#1939

I’ve been with my fella 7 years. I wanted to marry him after about the first year. I always knew he was the only one I wanted to spend my life with. He’s never believed in marriage, but said when we ever got pregnant we would get married. He can be a total a-hole, terrible at communication and has very little capacity for empathy. He’s gotten me 4 gifts in the entire 7 years we’ve been together. I’m accepting of that, but I do wish he could be a little more thoughtful or romantic. As many flaws as he has, he actually is an outstanding man in a million ways. We tried for 2 and 1/2 years before we got pregnant. At 5 months, I started stressing that he was never going to propose/marry me. So finally, I caved and asked if I should just start planning our wedding/elopement. We never wanted to do a big wedding…just something quick, cheap, and stress free 😛 However, while I’ve accepted and relinquished any hope for romantic gestures on holidays or whatnot, I still wanted a real proposal. I even told him, if this is the only romantic thing he ever does for me, I at least deserve a decent proposal. It’s bad enough I feel like he doesn’t want to marry me. I know he loves me, he just doesn’t really believe in marriage. But it’s the fact that it DOES matter to ME. He should have some consideration for how I feel and what is important to me. I’ve done so for him. I’ve waited years for us to get married. I’m now 6 months pregnant and we are eloping in 2 days, and he STILL hasn’t proposed to me. 2 more days….I’m trying to accept the fact that this, what should be one of the happiest periods of my life, is just going to be another disappointment. He still says I’m going to get my proposal….When? During the ceremony? 😛 I mean, is he TRYING to torture me? Why can’t he just make this ONE occasion special? I never dreamed I could be so unexcited about getting married. I’m barely even able to feel any happiness about it. I feel like we’re just doing a chore than needs to be done. I’ll be glad once it’s done so I can stop stressing about this whole last name thing. Whatever my name is when this baby is born, that’s the name it will have. At least in 2 more days we can just put this whole chapter behind us and I can stop hoping for some grand gesture of love that’s never going to come. Don’t get me wrong, I know he loves me and he’s thrilled about this baby….he’s never been unfaithful or abusive or anything. He just is not sentimental about ANYTHING ever….and I just really wish this one time, he could be.

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