–For only a second–
We talked so much that day. And by that, I think an hour or more. About problems and grudges and everything wrong. And fuck, does it feel great to vent to someone who understands. I received hugs that I have longed for; and it felt damn amazing. The warmth of a human is something so unbelievably comforting, as if it could shelter me from everything bad in the world.
And for a second, it did. For a second, it felt so damn real. For a second, it felt ok; I felt okay. I felt understood, I felt heard, I felt like I was on the top of the world, and the breeze went on steadily; but it was as if it could carry the both of us away. To a place where there is no sadness, no disappointments. Oh, how I wished that it would! For a second, that was how I felt. But that second had to end. Just like the beautiful sunset disappeared, like how it’s colors faded. Because for a second there, I wanted, longed for something hat I could never have.
Because just like sunsets, I know that these things never last. They seem so beautiful while they’re happening, and for a moment, you forget how to breathe. But they disappear almost instantly, and the colors fade into a lonely black. The sun hides behind the mountains, turning everything dark.
For a second, I thought that something would change. But it can’t. I can’t let it. I wont.
Even if it did feel good; the warmth of a hug, the electricity running through my body from a simple touch, the way her face was buried into my hair, the way her words sent butterflies all over my body, the way that she made me feel okay again. I felt safe. The way that I felt wanted, loved. As if I was no longer lost, and home was only a few steps away.
But nothing will change. Because now I’ve already said it all. The feelings and thoughts are no longer stuck in my chest, for I have expressed them in words. Now I don’t need to feel them. After all, I still have someone very close to my heart. I don’t think I will be able to replace this person. And I won’t. Whatever happened, whatever I felt that day will be just another one of my memories.
Forgotten, but at the same time, not quite.