Because on that day, you hugged me.
Suddenly, it’s 2017 again. I let the fact -that it has already been 2 years since then- sink into me.
It was on a rainy afternoon around October or so. 3 of us girls were called out by a teacher. The reason was because we were hurting ourselves. And someone tattled. Around that time I haven’t done it yet, but I was planning to.
The teacher didnt care about that. It was the fact that we wanted to hurt ourselves was bad enough for her. So she talked to us, outside the classrooms, while our classmates and the students next door were wondering what the heck was going on.
So we vented to her. Pretty much. I remember only getting a few words out before breaking into tears. The teacher hugged me, and I sobbed into her chest. Which wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, but I felt safe. I remember the softness of her voice, telling me something like “Marley, we aren’t in the place to do this right now.”
When we broke apart and I sat down again, she talked to the two other girls. It was their turn to break down into messy tears, and all I could do was watch. I have become aware of the fact that when I cry, you can’t really tell afterwards that I did. So I sat there, while the other two cried, and I wished that I had enough courage to just stand up and give them a hug. Even though we weren’t close. They were, but I wasn’t.
A few minutes later, the sound of footsteps could be heard. The two sections’ students rushed out faster then I could react, towards the two girls. And I stayed there, watching. They were all hugging, crying, uttering kind words to each other. And I sat there, thinking about how lucky they were. About how jealous I felt. About how I would give anything just to be like them. The amount of people standing by them was something that I don’t think I would ever get. I convinced myself that I was fine, sitting by myself. After all, it really isn’t obvious when I cry. But at that moment, I just wished to have a person like that. Like the immense amounts of people that were with those two girls daily. My heart ached for a hug from someone, a sign that I wasn’t as lonely as I thought I was.
And as these thoughts were running through my head, I felt something.
I felt someone hug me from behind.