I am a minor, a boy.
For past weeks I’ve had an actual pedophile go after me, groom me, talk very explicitly about raping me. He threatened to hurt me and my friends and overall made me feel scared and trapped. He claimed to know my address and threatened to go to my house and rape me.
It was gross and scary. I hated every second of it. It caused me nightmares and suicidal thoughts.
Thanks to my friends he can no longer talk to me but at the same time I wish he did.
Lately I’ve been having wet dreams about him doing explicit things to me.
Despite the fact that I hate him and am scared of him, a part of me wants to message him, have him own me, take care of me. Despite threatening me if I don’t cooperate, he did say things that made me feel loved and cared for. I have an urge to talk to him, sext perhaps, send him my photos and maybe even nudes if that’s what he wants.
I keep having those sexual thoughts and dreams about him against my own will.
I know it’s wrong and that he’s a bad person. But I can’t help feeling the way I do. I can’t help but crave having him do all those things to me and own me.
I feel disgusting.