I just can’t believe that I fell for him. It almost seemed impossible even getting closer to him at first, but somehow, here I am. Hopelessly falling once again.
I don’t know if it was the way your soft, brown eyes would meet my gaze; even just for a second. The way you always seem to care about me, always giving me advice and making everything better. The way looking at you smile makes my face heat up and glow red; making the butterflies in my stomach grow stronger each and every second that goes by. Or was it the way your laughter would fill up the room, leaving me smiling uncontrollably; making me realize that it was becoming one of my favourite sounds. Maybe it was the way you would always come to the rescue; when I would be close to my breaking point, and you would be there, telling me things that I don’t normally hear, that I didn’t expect to hear. The way your gruff voice can sound so soothing sometimes, you know. The way it would tell me that everything would be ok; that you’re here for me. The way that my hands are so much smaller that yours; and yet I don’t feel threatened at all. I want my hands wrapped around yours, I feel like you would keep them safe. Just like you keep me safe. Maybe it’s the way that your eyes glimmer and you just sound so happy as you talk about things you like, such as things you’ve learned recently- and I would tease you, calling you a nerd-, things that you enjoy doing, like watching anime and eating, and… her.
Maybe it’s the way you talk about her, and how much you adore her. How you like her weirdness, and all these little things about her. How you try to get closer to her, or about a conversation you had. Its cute. But sometimes I think its the way that you get so sad over her, the way your anxiety hits you like mine does. The way that I listen to you and give advice, just as you do to me. The way that somehow, we end each day feeling a bit more better that earlier, and we feel like someone understands.
The way that we promised each other one day, that as long as the other doesn’t give up on life, the other wouldn’t. The way that we feel so comfortable talking and chatting with each other, that our days would feel incomplete of we didn’t. The way that thinking of you brings such pain to my heart, but at the same time it makes me feel happy.
There are many things that made me feel these things for you; and I don’t quite know how to express them. And I mean, you have her. Your rose. And I’ll be here, as your therapist. As a friend. As a sunflower that you don’t even suspect. You honestly don’t have a clue, don’t you? And that’s because this sunflower lied to you. I honestly don’t know if I’ll keep waiting for you… but for now, here I am.