#1067

Its strange, really. The way I tell myself that I won’t get attached to anyone anymore. And certainly not like that. But… This is all your damn fault. I knew it, from the start of our first conversation, from the way I could relate so much. From the way you always seemed to care. I know that you care very deeply about everyone, and that I am no different. But somehow, it felt nice, knowing that someone cared. That someone didn’t want me to die just yet. I felt like someone understood. And I, unfortunately, also felt feelings begining to bloom.
But I shrugged it off. I was mistaking kindness for romantic attraction again. I’m too easy. And I hate it.
Besides, you and I share a common trait; we both love too easily.
Before, I thought that I was the only one I knew that was cursed with falling too easily. But then you started talking to me about this. And damn, was that relatable as hell. You were relatable as hell.
And since you fell so easily, I have had the pleasure of knowing who, and when. And why. And I listened and tried giving advice the best I can. You did the same for me too. And I cant even begin to tell you how much I appreciate…you. Sigh. I’m such a coward at these sort of things.
But now, you like another person, you say to me. I ask you who and my heartbeats suddenly pick up their pace. I try to guess, saying everyone but me. My heart was either beating frantically, or it had stopped completely. I guess there was a part of me that wanted to believe, as stupid as it may seem. No matter how much I try to deny my feelings, they always end up coming back, slapping me hard in the face. My phone lit up, distracting me from my thoughts.
I finally guessed who the person was. And of course it wasn’t me. Of course. I knew it. Even to the person who falls in love with everyone, I am nothing but a friend. And I guess I should be happy with just that.
I honestly hate it. I hate that whenever someone shows even a bit of concern, a bit of kindness, i become so stupidly attached i want to end myself.
But I don’t want to end myself. Not while you’re still here with me, that is.

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